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February 26
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I'll open with this, I am not mad.
I'm just exhausted.

Yes, I know exactly what you did last night, again.
No, no one told me, no one needs to tell me anymore, I'm not blind. You came home in the early hours of the morning, and you showered before climbing into bed.
My bed, your bed, our bed.
Despite the shower you still smelt of cheap alcohol and cigarettes (you promised you quit, perhaps you did, and this is another punishment, you knew it was harder for me to quit so you flaunt it. I want to hate you, for that of all things.)
And, though you'd washed away the smell of the other person... Still their presence clung to you.
I think it was a woman last night... Do you think that hurts me more? Or less?

You laid down with your back to me.
But then you sat up, turned over. You were watching me.
Were you willing me awake? Or praying I'd stay asleep?
I barely sleep anymore, I wait for you to come home, then I wait for you to sleep, then I wait for you to wake up, and pray today is the day things will go back to how they were.
You cried again last night.
When you do that I want to stop my pretence of sleep.
I want to hold you, kiss you, tell you everything will be fine, we're okay, we're gonna be okay.
But I don't, because the words stick, and I'm scared.

You kissed my cheek before you laid back down, faced away from me again.

I understand it. I know you want to forgive me, I know I hurt you. In sleep we can be perfect, and it doesn't hurt so much. But when we're awake, it's all real again. And you see me as the man who sat there, hands between his knees to keep them still, unable to look at you, explaining what he'd done.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I've said it a thousand times now, but you still don't forgive me.

And still you keep punishing me. The knife in your back is lodged between your shoulder blades, and though I tried to remove it, it won't budge.
So, repeatedly, you stick your own knife in mine.
If we share the pain, neither of us can heal.
I just want us to heal.

I'll try again, to pull it out.
When I finally do, it'll be such a shock, won't it?
I wonder if forgiveness, after all this time, will hurt just as bad?
Watch your back, and keep the blade.

(The truth is I think you’ve started to like it now. It gets you pity.

I think it got you laid).

~#~

It got to that time of night again, when you make an excuse, say you’re going out. And I pretend like I don’t know.

I saw you look at the clock, you even stood up, headed to our room to get your coat, money and shoes.

But tonight you paused.

Turned to look at me.

And for once, for the first time in so long.

You saw me.

Really saw me.

You were sat beside me again, tentative.

Were you scared of me?
Or just scared that the knife was finally dislodging?

“We can’t go on like this.”
Your words make me certain we’re really over. You’ve had enough of even pretending now.

“You’ve said your sorry, and I’ve been refusing to accept it… I don’t expect you to say it again. But…”
I hold my breath, as these words seem unreal.

Is this really happening?

“I need to say it too…”
You closed your eyes before you say the words.

“I’m sorry.”
And, simple as that, stupid as that, I’m crying.

“I know it’s not enough.” You say. “I know how much I hurt you, but you hurt me! You hurt me so much! But… That isn’t an excuse. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
You’re trying not to cry.

Always stronger than I am.
“I never meant to hurt you.” I said, my words a whisper. It seems strange, this is the most we’ve said to each other for too long.

“We can fix this, right?” You ask.

I nod. “I want to.”
“I want you back.” You say.

“I wasn’t the one who went away.”

And then you take my hand, you’re crying too now.

You kiss my cheek, like you do when you think I’m sleeping.
You wipe away the tears, even though they continue to fall.

Then you kiss my lips.

The knives are pulled out, and though the wounds are new, it feels better.

It doesn’t hurt as much.

The wrong doings are forgotten, at least for now.

And our poor, battered hearts begin to mend.

We will heal.

This is a little something I came up with for :iconhappilyforeverafter: 's quote challenge.

The quote provided was "So watch your back and keep the blade. I think it got you laid" Which is taken from MCR's final release, 'Fake Your Death'. My title for this piece is also from the same song.

As always, my work has to contain angst. I like my angst, and this is pretty angsty... But, equally, I like hope, and there is a lot of hope at the end of this.
Essentially it is about a couple that has broken down. One person hurt the other (we don't know exactly what they did), and the other refuses to forgive, but equally refuses to let go. They've become accustom to the pain, and even have begun to revel in it, while also continuing to punish the other person for their wrong doing (it's not explicitly said, but we can assume they exact this punishment by sleeping with other people).

Now, for once, I have not used names for this. While in my head this is still my very beloved Frank and Gerard, you may choose to imagine it is someone else. Also I have not stated who is our narrator here. I know who I imagine is the one talking, but, again feel free to make up your own minds on that. If you want to tell me who you think it is, please do! I'm not going to tell you you're wrong :aww: I'd actually be interested to see what people think.

Anyway, I hope everyone enjoys this, short though it may be :D

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:icondatewithterror:
datewithterror Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2014  Student General Artist
wow this is so well written 
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:iconraven052:
Raven052 Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much! I'm glad you think so :aww:
Reply
:iconsyncopatedrhythm:
SyncopatedRhythm Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2014  Student General Artist
I think of frank as saying this to Gee. o.o love this though. Dying to know what had happened!
Reply
:iconraven052:
Raven052 Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You're the second person so far to say it's Frank talking :D
I wrote it with Gerard in my head, but I purposefully made it open to interpretation
Reply
:iconsyncopatedrhythm:
SyncopatedRhythm Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2014  Student General Artist
I love it...even if I'm crying. In my mind I'm trying to work out what the hell one could have done to the other. And omfg ahhh my mind burns. Poor Frankie and gee <3
Reply
:iconraven052:
Raven052 Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Well, I'm certainly glad you love it :aww:
Hehe, I'm a bit evil for stuff like this, right? Oh dear...
Reply
:iconsyncopatedrhythm:
SyncopatedRhythm Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2014  Student General Artist
Get in the corner...not allowed to be so evil. :p
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:iconraven052:
Raven052 Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2014  Hobbyist Writer

:evillaugh:

...

 

Okay... I'll go to the corner...

Reply
:iconsyncopatedrhythm:
SyncopatedRhythm Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2014  Student General Artist
Good...there's bad wifi connection in the corner :p
Reply
:iconraven052:
Raven052 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
hehe, funnily enough, I actually do almost all my writing in one corner of my room :XD:
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