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Submitted on
March 22


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Forgive me, But I can't let the day go by unoted.

Journal Entry: Sat Mar 22, 2014, 11:53 AM
One year.

I dunno if it feels like a longer or shorter amount of time than that. Sometimes I have the scary notion that I can barely remember how it was before. But I do remember the weekend of the break up very clearly. Today it feels like it was just last week, not last year.
Of course, with all perfection of timing, my copy of the Greatest Hits came in the post today, complete with t-shirt designed after the one Gerard wore for their first show, and black arm band.
Ever the theatrical, to the last. It's like others have said, most bands just split up. MCR throw the band a funeral. Complete with eulogy.

I will leave this on a positive, as best I can.
Last year saw the return of the first band I ever loved (I still feel like it might have been my trade off), and early this year, when the anniversary of that bands break up came around one of the bands members tweeted:
"For the past 9 years today has always been a shit day. But today I'm smiling."

I hope for the year when, on this day, I'll see something similar from one of the MCR guys. Though I recognise it may never come.

Until then, I'll continue to enjoy whatever they have to offer individually. A year on, and we're still not quite sure what that will be, but I guess we've all had to find our feet in that time. In the scheme of things, a year isn't long at all.

Lead on guys, I'm still here, waiting to follow.

  • Mood: Emotional
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Ikiyou Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Took the words right outta my mouth... I feel endless gratitude and love and affection... yet the idea, as much as I know it can and will live on, the idea stills has me reeling, still struggling to grasp it. How does a band manage to effect us so extraordinarily? I can't really say. I can try and do a decent enough explanation but it will never quite portray it all... and only us fans can wordlessly understand. I feel you. I feel something very similar.... I wish I could talk for my whole life about it.... and then I wish I could hide it in a treasure box in my heart..... if you ever need or want to gush over theses guys please feel free to note me..... thank you for this journal :-)
Raven052 Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I wish I could respond my articulately, but I can only agree with what you say, on all points. And also thank you, I didn't really know if I was making much sense in this journal, I just had so many things in my head on Saturday I did the only thing I know how to do when I need to get something out - I write it.
And thank you for the offer to  note you, I'd love to do that, it's always nice to have someone else to talk to :aww:
SassyLilPanda Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2014
I still am having a hard time dealing with this... so much so that I just can't talk about it hardly at all without getting ridiculously depressed. I've pretty much pushed myself back from drawing them, writing them, reading stories about them, watching videos and I don't listen to their music nowhere NEAR as much as I used to because it just hurts too much...
Raven052 Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I'm sorry to hear it still hurts too much... Most days of the year I'm okay, and I'm grateful for that, but yesterday was just too hard.
Damn, I still remember talking to you that night so clearly...
You know if you ever want to vent about how you feel about them you can to me, just send me a note or something, I won't mind. Sometimes it's the only way to heal.

love you :huggle:
SassyLilPanda Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2014
I'm okay for the most part, but I haven't even bought the Greatest Hits yet nor have I listened to the new song they released that Gee referred to as a eulogy for the band... I'm not ready for it. I remember that night too... I'm still beyond devastated I never got to see them live or meet Gee in person... So crushed still to this day... I know, Amy. I know. :hug: I love you too.
Raven052 Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I felt like I couldn't NOT get the greatest hits... It's still sitting in the box though.
I've only listened to the final song once, and though it's come up on shuffle a few times I can't listen to it again, not yet. It's way to close to how I feel. 

There's still he you could meet Gee...He has a solo album planned, after all, and who knows what the future may hold. 

SassyLilPanda Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2014
I'll get it... Eventually... just not ready I guess. I know it's been a year, but still. Idk. It still feels like yesterday. It still hurts to think we may never hear them play together again or see them all together again, especially after all the stuff they got me through in my life. 
I haven't listened to it. I've read the lyrics and they hit home so hard that I don't know if I CAN listen to it... is it good? Like, musically? Maybe I'll bring myself to want to hear it sometime soon... we'll see. 

I know, I know... maybe. I guess we'll see about that too huh? 
Raven052 Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
If I think about it like that, yes it still hurts so much. I gotta admit I try not to think about it too deeply...

musically... It's amazing. It really is. And, in someways that makes it even harder, because damn... If that's what the new album sounded like.... They were on to something huge, in my opinion. 
SassyLilPanda Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2014
I... have a confession to make. I don't either, that's why I stopped drawing them, writing about them, etc... I just pretty much stopped doing everything that has anything to do with them, and ummm... that's why I haven't finished your commission. I've tried to get started on it many times, but it was just too difficult to try and do... Like my hands wouldn't work, or I couldn't get it to look right or it was just too painful, or my brain was conflicting with my heart, I don't know really... I guess I need more time and I'm really sorry... Bunny Emoji-61 (Shy or...) [V3] 

Is it...? Now I'm entirely torn on what to do and if I want to try and give it a listen or not... I don't really feel like crying today, so many another day haha. If there were onto something huge, then why did things have to happen the way that it did? I guess people and things and feelings change, huh?
Raven052 Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Aww Mandi! :tighthug: You don't have to apologise for that. I understand completely! I feel personally very, very lucky I'm still able to write about them (it took a while) But of course I understand if it's still too difficult for you to do. I'm not going to be upset, or impatient about it, take all the time you need, alright? Art is important, and needs to be done at the right time, especially when it has to do with something so important to you.
So don't worry about it :huggle:

I'm still, constantly asking myself why what happened happened. I hear what Gerard says about 'being the right time', but... I don't know. I guess only they know...
Listen to it, eventually. It's a wonderful song, but all I know is it hit me hard.  
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